2️⃣ Hacks to Strengthen Your Mentoring Connection
A powerful tool to elevate connection with your mentoring partner (or anyone) is to let them know you’re really listening to what they say. When you acknowledge what your partner says, you let them know you care. The act of acknowledgement allows that person to feel relief and to feel heard. Acknowledgment means mirroring what the other person just said on a deep level. The key is to stay curious about what your partner has to share.
Here’s an example:
➡️ Your partner: “I’m trying to get my team onboard with the new software, but it seems whatever I do, I just can’t get them excited about moving forward.”
🎯You (acknowledging): “So you’re saying you’re putting in a good effort but you still feel resistance from the team?”
Sample Phrases of Acknowledgement to use in your mentoring conversations:
🧭"What you’re saying is…"
🧭"So when you _____, _____ happens."
🧭"Let me see if I get this…"
🧭"What you’re telling me is…"
🧭"I’m hearing you say…"
🧭"In other words..."
💡Acknowledgment and Validation are like peanut butter & jelly! Both stem from appreciation and acceptance. Validation is considered the Swiss Army Knife of communication because we can valid nearly everyone - employees, peers, vendor, clients, friends, family, etc. Research shows that up to 80% of conversations are looking for validation! When you validate your partner, you let them know they have every right to feel the way they do.
Validating has two parts: 1️⃣ Identifying a specific emotion. 2️⃣ Offering rational or justification for feeling that emotion.
Validation isn't judging whether what someone is saying right or wrong. It allows the other person to feel whatever they’re feeling without being labeled “good” or “bad”. Nor is it agreeing in any way. It’s simply letting them know that you can see things from their perspective. The power of validation is that it allows the other person to feel “normal” in their situation.
Example Phrases of Validation to use in your mentoring conversations:
💫"You’ve taken a big leap forward, it’s no wonder you’re excited."
💫"You have every right to feel “X” because…"
💫"I hear your frustration with the project. No wonder you’re feeling stuck”
💫"That’s perfectly normal. It can be upsetting when “X” happens."
💫"It’s understandable that you feel (feeling/emotion) given that…"
💫"Based your experience with “X” situation, it’s no wonder you feel_."
💫"Wow, it makes perfect sense that you’d feel “X” given your situation."
💫"You put a lot of time into completing that project. It must feel amazing!"
💫"You have every right to be proud. That was a major accomplishment!"
You can strengthen your mentoring relationship and have richer conversations simply by showing you understand what your partner is saying and where they’re coming from. Plus, family, friends, your boss, and nearly everyone you communicate with appreciates being acknowledged and validated! The next time someone acknowledges or validates you, slow down to fully receive their words. Doing so is a way of respecting that person while also encouraging deeper conversations in the future.