Strengthen Your Mentoring Connection
A powerful tool to strengthen your connection with your mentee (or anyone) is to let them know you really listen to what they say. When you acknowledge what someone said, you let them know you care about what they’re saying. The simple act of acknowledging allows that person to feel relief because they feel heard. Acknowledging is a deep level of mirroring what the mentee just said. The key is to stay curious about what your mentee has to share. Here’s an example:
- Mentee: “I’m trying to get my sales up, but it seems like whatever I do, I just can’t bring them up.”
- You: “So you’re saying that you’re putting in a good effort but not getting the results you want?”
Acknowledging Phrases:
- What you’re saying is…
- So when you _____, _____ happens.
- Let me see if I get this…
- What you’re telling me that…
- I’m hearing you say…
- Let me give you that back to you so we can make sure I got it.
- In other words…
Acknowledging is married to validating. Both stem from appreciation and acceptance. Research shows that up to 80% of conversations are looking for validation! When you validate your mentee, you let them know they have the right to feel the way they do.
Validating has two parts: (1) Identifying a specific emotion. (2) Offering acceptance for feeling that emotion. Validating is not judging whether what someone is saying right or wrong, nor is it agreeing in any way. It’s simply letting them know that you can see things from their perspective. The power of validating is it allows the other person to feel “normal” for having those feelings in a situation.
Validating Phrases:
- You feel you’ve been hurt and you’re angry (acknowledging), no wonder you’re feeling ______(validating).
- You have every right to feel “X” because…
- That’s perfectly normal. It can be upsetting when “X” happens.
- It’s understandable that you feel (feeling/emotion) given that…
- Based on the way you experienced “Y” situation, it’s no wonder you feel______.
- Based on the way you see “Y” situation, it’s only natural you feel…
- Wow, it makes perfect sense that you’d feel “X” given your situation.
Shortcut: Remember these as A/V. Acknowledge what was said (facts). Validate (and name) feelings.
Sidenote: Family, friends, your boss, and nearly everyone you communicate with enjoys being acknowledged and validated. Offer both generously to strengthen your relationships at work. And when someone acknowledges or validates you, slow down and fully receive their words. Doing so is a way of respecting that person, and it encourages more robust conversations in the future.